Ima Hatchett Gets the Hatchet

“You need to understand, Alfred, that wasn’t the first time that Ima kicked the hornet’s nest,” said Horace.

We were sitting at the Sheraton table in the solarium.  Horace and Grace Whittington had joined us for Sunday brunch; a brunch wonderfully prepared by Agnes Findlay, our Scottish housekeeper.

“Oh,” said I, biting into an Eccles Cake. “Mmmm, that’s wonderful, the Eccles Cake, I mean.  Agnes does a marvelous job.  She’s quite talented.  But about Ima Hatchett; I was stunned by the action taken by our Rector Father Goodfellow.  I never dreamt that a priest would not only remove someone from the Choir but also tell them to leave the Church.”

“Let me tell you a story,” answered Horace. “There was this farmer who was bringing his new wife home to the farm for the first time.  His large dog came racing out of the barn barking, bearing his fangs, and lunging at his new bride.  That’s ‘THREE’ said the farmer in exasperation, then went to his house, came back with his Winchester rifle, and shot the dog.

His new wife cried out, “Oh, no!  Why did you do that? The dog didn’t mean any harm.”

The farmer fixed his steely eye on his new wife, and said, ‘That’s ONE.’”

Mother burst out laughing, “I’ll have to remember that Alfred.  Very funny!”

“The point is,” said Horace, “Ima had several warnings from Father Goodfellow.  That wasn’t THREE, but more like SIX or SEVEN.”

“It was just the momentary shock,” said I.  “As a retired Colonel and as a successful businessman I have always understood the nature of command and the requirement of discipline in any organization.  It just hadn’t occurred to me that a priest would.”

“That,” said Horace, “is because the title ‘Rector’ actually is a Latin word meaning ‘ruler”.  He has the authority and the responsibility to take care of all of us.”

“Thank goodness,” said Grace.  “It has been very difficult putting up with Ima’s behavior over the past couple of years.  She really has stretched our Christian charity to the snapping point.  More than once I have had to restrain myself.  One never quite knows what to do with people like that.”

“Well,” said Mother, “I think better of Father Goodfellow for dealing with it.  I had obviously made the mistake of thinking that he was too meek and too mild to deal with people like Ima.  It makes me feel rather secure knowing that he is actually in charge.”

“Now, Mother,” said I, “That’s probably because you didn’t really like Ima to begin with.”

“That’s ONE,” said Mother with a sly smile.

“I’m just glad that you gave Grandfather Talliaferro’s shotgun back to your cousin Angelo,” said I.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ “I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them.  For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive.” (Romans 16:17-18).